Bad Dreams: Draco's Best Worst Nightmare
by misfitgirl92
Summary: So Draco Starts having dreams bout him and Dear Dear Ronald haha and is extremely horrified about it read and see what happens... Its a Draco/Ron fic its funny but may be slightly disturbing to some so if you scar easily than beware I'll try to keep it AA
1. The Dream

**--**

**So ummm this is my first fic so I hope it's not awful please leave reviews to let me kno what you think.**

**I unfortunately don't own the original HP story's I could if I killed off JK but that would get me into alot of trouble so I cant kill her so for now I ll just have to wait patiently.**

**So remember ppl This is just a fanfic.**

**--**

"Ohh Draco I've loved you since the day we met our first year but you didn't even notice me in love with stupid Harry Potter..."

"No Ron that's not true I've always loved you."

"Liar you loved Harry that first year I know you did never even looked at me you lying bastard!!"

As Ron yelled this to Draco he turned away from him.

Draco walked up and hugged Ron from behind .

"No Ron it was you always you who held my heart."

Ron turned into Draco's embrace, "Ohh Draco my love I'm sorry for fighting with you please forgive me."

"No Ron forgive me for not paying enough attention to you I Love You"

As he said those word Draco leaned in to kiss his beloved.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG I...I...OH EWWW I KISSED WEASLEY!!"

"Huh?"

Draco turned from his position on the common room couch to see that he had screamed this out in front of Crabbe,Goyle,AND Pansy.

"Crap uhh uhh Pansy I...I..."

He couldn't get the rest out because Pansy had walked up to him an punched right smack in his forehead.

"Oww son of a Pansy what the bloody hell you daft or something I was trying to explain it was a nightmare!!"

Pansy socked him again.

"Oh really that's why the whole friggin dream you were moaning an groaning and groping yourself you cheating little pig!!"

She slapped him a walked away.

He looked to Crabbe an Goyle.

"Was I really moaning ?"

They both nodded simultaneously.

"Not a word of this to anyone you two or I'll crucio you for hours !! Got it!!"

They both nodded in unision again.

"Good."

Draco got up off the common room couch and went to take a shower.


	2. I'm Not Gay!

**Wellmucho thanx to Mév' for being my first review I hope you like this one too oh oops your my only review oh well hopefully there will be more.**

**And again I don't own the original story plot ect...ect...you know the deal ppls its just a fanfic.**

**XxXxX**

**A/N:This One Is kinda sad for me I absolutely love Malfoy.**

After his shower Malfoy felt a little better ... that is until he walked into the great hall and everyone got quiet but that was nothing compared to what happened next.

"Hey Malfoy" shouted a Gryffindor Prefict "I could give you and Weasley detention together tonight if you like I'm sure you two can work very closely on it !"

Then to Malfoys great horror the entire Great Hall erupted into laughter. Malfoy looked to the Slytherin table and saw that Pansy was busy whispering to her many friend's what he could only suppose was the entire dream of his she overheard.

"Pansy you little bitch I'll get you for this couldn't just keep your mouth shut...nooooooooo god forbid that PANSY keeps her mouth shut for just a second!"

"Excuse me!" Pansy screeched as she vaulted up from her position at the table. "How dare you... you queer little freak! "She walked over and slapped him. "If anyone here GOD FORBID should do anything it should be you!!" "Fantasizing about Ron Weasley!" "You Malfoy need serious help!"

Malfoy grinned,"Are you through?"

"What?"

"I'll take that as a yes." Malfoy said as he hauled back and punched Pansy.

He turned an yelled to the room. "It was a nightmare not a fantasy!!"

"Sure it was Malfoy!" yelled out Harry,Fred and George.

Malfoy turned and ran out of the Great Hall screaming "I'm not gay...I'm not gay...I"m not gay!"

After the ordeal in the Great Hall Malfoy decided to go for a walk on the castle grounds he had just decided to go back to face the school when he heard a noise and decided to go look.

"Hello is someone there?"

There was no answer so he turned to leave when something attacked him from behind.

"AHHHHH!!" he rolled forward and tried to crawl away but whatever attacked was pulling him towards the woods.

"Help...help me its trying to take me away!"

Then it suddenly let him go. He turned and saw that it was Ron who had done it.

"Ron...I mean Weasley what the bloody hell were you doing!?"

"Well I UHH... umm I well yah see uhhh..."

"Spit it out already you damn fool!"

"You don't gotta be so mean Malfoy I thought you loved me!?"

Malfoys mouth fell open in shock. "WHAT!?"

"Well Harry came up from breakfast laughing and was all like "oh Ron guess what?"and I was like what?"and he said"Malfoy said he loved you!""

Malfoy got up off the floor dusted himself off turned and started to walk back to the castle.

"Wait where are you going!?"

"I Weasley am going back to the castle and packing my bags and going home so that I don't have to deal with you idiots anymore!"

Malfoy turned and left Ron standing there."But I thought you loved me..."

**A/N:Malfoy isn't really leaving...or is he ? :D**


	3. Ahh Demon Goblin Thingy!

**Ok so this one kinda popped into my head last night as I was getting ready for bed so as soon as I woke up today I came out to write it up hope you like it.**

**_Oh and Tim screw you I should assassinate you as a matter of fact tonight when I calls you Ima kick you in the shin :P MEANYFACE jk jk I luvs you man but seriously stop being a boob._**

**Ummm oh yah Mev hope you like this one. :D**

**A/N:Yah I know I'm a bitch for making Malfoy suffer like this but you must admit it sure is funny. :D**

Once Draco got back to the castle he started to pack but while he was packing Professor Snape walked in and told him Professor Dumbledore wanted to see him.

"Crap what does that old bat want from me.....I should of killed him when I had the chance last Christmas."

"Killed who?"

"Huh?"

Draco looked around to see who had spoken but no one was there.

"What the crap!?"

"Who should you have killed?"

Draco looked around again but still saw no one.

"Who the hell is that and what the bloody hell do you want from me !?"

A weird little goblin thing stepped out of the shadows.

"To know who you should of killed when you had the chance?"

"Ahhhhhhhh demon monster thing!!!!"

Draco screamed and started to throw things at it.

"Owww you crazy friggin human what is wrong with you and I SIR AM NOT A DEMON!!!!"

"Huh then what are you?"

"I am Almadius the Tree Goblin."

"okayyyyyy weird.......well why are you here?"

"To spy on students for Dumbledore."

"Crap."

Draco turned away from the goblin and continued packing.

"Why are you packing Dumbledore wants you?"

"I am packing because I am leaving Hogwarts forever."

"Why?"

"Because everyone thinks I'm gay and in love with Weasley."

"Who?"

"This boy I kissed in a dream......I mean nightmare!"

"Suuuuureeeeee."

"Shut up stupid tree demon!"

"Not a demon goblin!"

"Demon as far as I'm concerned."

"Shut up human and go to Dumbledores office now or I'll eat your mother."

"Fine by me she's a bitch."

"Ahhhh just go!!!"

"Fine jeez don't gotta have a friggin coronary."

Draco left his room and the goblin thing to go to see Albus.

Once he got into Dumbledores office he wished he hadn't gone because sitting next to Dumbledore were Pansy and her mother.

"Ahh so glad you could join us today."

"Er...uhh...yah me too."

"So Miss Parkinson tells me you broke her nose might I ask why?"  
"That crazy bitch hit me first!!!"

"Only because you cheated on me with Ronald Weasley!!!"

"I DID NOT SLEEP WITH WEASLEY AND IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!!!!"

"LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!!"

"WHAT ARE YOU 2 OR SOMETHING!!!"

"FUCK YOU MALFOY!!!"

"ALREADY DID LAST SUMMER REMEMBER!!!"

"YOU BASTARD THAT DOESN'T COUNT I TOLD YOU I WAS DRUNK!!!"

"SURE YOU WERE!!!"

"Shut up both of you."

They both turned to Dumbledore.

"You both need to apologize to each other and have 5 weeks detention you Miss Parkinson for telling of private dreams..."

"Nightmares!!!"

"Shut up!"  
"and for hitting Malfoy."

"You for breaking Pansys nose and insulting her now,Pansy you may leave I have other matters to discuss with ."

Pansy's mother got up slapped her daughter across the face called her a whore and walked out.

"Ouch that had to hurt."  
"Shut up Malfoy this is all your fault you son of a bitch!!!"

Pansy got up and ran out of the room.

"Now you cant leave Hogwarts just because some students are taunting you on your sexual preference..."

"I AM NOT GAY IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!!!"

"Poor boy still in the closet."

"Malfoy I myself am gay and my gaydar is very good you sir are gayer than Voldemort in a pink tutu."

"Why me though why not Potter or some other unfortunate idiot I'm to popular to be gay."

"Either your blind or delusional because everyone in Hogwarts hates you."

"I know but it's fun to pretend they love me and I cant if they're all laughing at me."

"Come here my boy I shall hug you and make it a little better as long as you don't leave."

"Okay I'll stay for now."

Malfoy walked over and hugged Dumbledore and was still doing so when Snape walked in.

"Get away from my Alby pooh you little man whore!!!"

"What the hell!!!"

"Oh dear it seems Snape believes your trying to steal me from him."  
"What the hell n..n...n....no hes all yours."

"Damn right he is especially after I kill you!!!"

"WHAT!!!"

"Run Malfoy run for you life!!!"

"Accio wand!!!"yelled Malfoy as Snape pulled out his wand.

"Avada Kadava!!"screamed Snape.

"SHITTTT!!!"yelled Malfoy.

"Crucio!!!"yelled Malfoy as he dodged Snapes spell.

As Malfoys spell hit Severus so did Dumbledore.

Malfoy got up off the floor and walked over to where he had seen Dumbledore and Snape hit the ground to his great amusement they both lay

cringing on the floor from the affects of the spell.

"Ahahahahaha you boobs."laughed Malfoy as he released them from his spell.

"Severus it wasn't what it looked like my love I was just comforting the boy."

"Oh.............sorry I guess I overreacted.......sorry Draco."

"My god you guys are insane I am so not ever coming in here alone again!"

Draco kicked Snape in the shin."Crazy ass almost friggin killed me!!!"

"Owwww!!!"screamed Snape as Malfoy left the office.

**Another A/N:**_What shall happen next...........oh who knows mebe a certain someone will kiss a certain other someone **:D**_


	4. Dotsan we got Dotsan here!

**Haha I came up with this over the past few days hope you guys like it and thanxs to my lovely reviewer I love reviews so keep making them okay ppls or I shall be sad**

**_Oh and thanx alot Tim lovely review I luvs you mucho!!!_**

As soon as Malfoy got back to his dormitory he started cracking up.

"Whats so funny?" said Almadius the Tree Goblin.

"Ahhhhh demon thingy!!!!" Malfoy screamed as he began to throw his books at it.

"You stupid idget I AM NO DEMON!!!" screamed Almadius.

"Oh yah thats right your a tree frog or something............."

"TREE GOBLIN DAMN YOU!!!!! TREEEEE GOBLINNNNN!!!!"

"Yes whatever that is why are you stalking me huh?"

Almadiusturned bright orange grabbed a book and beat Malfoy senseless with it.

"I DONT STALK PEOPLE I WATCH THEM!!!"

"Cough(stalker)Cough." said Malfoy.

"Well then........."said Almadius.

"I guess you don't want to know who's been kissing Potter."

"Wait...What???"

"Yes your boyfriend or should I say "FANTASY" was kissing Potter while Snapeypooh was trying to kill you."

"He WHAT!?!?! That bastard I shall kill him and his little owl Hedwig too!!!!"Malfoy rubs his hand in anticipation of Potters doom and smiles evilly.

"Hey helloooo yah remember me the goblin over here doofus!"

Malfoy snaps back to attention."Hey you know who you remind me of?"

"Who?"Almadius sarcastically asks.

"You remind me of that guy from Jurassic Park who yells"Dotsan we got Dotsan here...heh nobody cares" I hate that guy..."

As Malfoy contemplates the Goblin he is busy tying him up and locking him in a closet.

"Hey let me out tree frog!!!"

"Not a tree frog doofus."Almadius sings out.

"Hey what am I supposed to do in here all alone?.........."

"Talk to yourself."

"This is all your fault Malfoy!"

"Nah ahh Malfoy its yours!"

"No way you called him a demon goblin thingy!"

"So what you called him a tree frog!"

"Well...well...you...you...you called him a tree frog!"

"No you did doofus and you also had bad dreams bout Ron so this is all your fault!!!"

"But I wasn't responsible for that one it was a dream I couldn't help it!!!"

"Yes you could of liar liar pants on fire!!!"

"OOOHHH you know what you I want a divorce its over I tell you!!!"

"But....but I thought you loved me Malfoy.........."

"I did until I really got to know you now I hate you and want a divorce and I'm taking the kids!!!"  
"What kids!?"

"Oh that's right............hehe you didn't know about them........well anywho ........Gotta go bye!!!"

"Er...hey wait come back I need you!!!"

Just as he screamed those words the closet door opened to reveal Professor Snape.

"Need who?"

"Not you Snivelus!!!"

"Haha and I was gonna help you but now I'm gonna leave you here to rot."

"No wait Im sorrry!"

"...................hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm ok Ill let you out but on one condition only."

"Ok what?"

"I want you to tell everyone I'm Albypoohs lover."

"Wha.....why.....?"

"Because he wont tell anyone and that damn hussy Hermione keeps hitting on him and he wont let me kill her!!!"

"Umm err ok........"

"Good."

Snape released Malfoy and left singing "I feel pretty I feel oh so pretty."

Malfoy snickered and turned the corner too go back too his room and stopped....to his great horror and rage there stood Potter making out with his Ron.

"You bastard!!!" Malfoy screamed as he lunged at them tackling Potter to the ground.

**A/N:What shall happen next........who knows ppls.**

**But whoever can guess correctly shall win a prize.**


	5. Senor Pissy Pants

**Sorry you had to wait for this one my comp went physco and erased itself we had to get it back any who hope you like this one and thanxs for the reviews I love reviews keep em comin.**

**Any who hope you all had an awesome Tofurkey Day!!!!(NO I don't eat Tofurkey I just like the word I eat turkey like everyone else.)**

**And to all those Potter fans Im very very very sorry for what Im about to do to harry so sorry well enjoy.**

"Malfoy what the ommph....."Harry said as Malfoy slammed his face into the ground.

"Oh Draco I knew you loved me !!!" Ron said grinning stupidly.

"Of course I do ......I mean don't!"

"If you don't loove me then why are you attacking Senor Potter eh?"

"Ummm ummm cuz ummm well he ummm................CUZ HES A LIAR!!!!"

"Huh I am not a liar........okmaybe a little bit but so freaking what who isn't nowadays?!"

"I'm not!"screamed out Hermione.

"Hermione!!!"screamed Harry,Ron,and Draco.

"I'm right here you don't have to scream at me yah know!!!"

"But your screaming too!!!"

"So what!!!!"

"Whelllllll it's only fair we scream too yah know!!!"

"Oh shut up!!!"yelled Hermione as she saw Harry on the floor with his face plastered to it by Draco.

"What did you do to Harry?!" MY SECRET LOVER plays in the back round as Hermione looks at Harry.

"Ummmm he kissed Ron so I uhh attacked him...."said Malfoy.

"But I thought you hated Ron and was strait Malfoy."said Hermione.

"I am or I was..............hmmm anyways back to killing Potter."

Malfoy started slamming Harrys head into the ground again but was quickly knocked off of him by Hermione who started to beat Draco who was then knocked off by Ron who proceeded to kick Hermione who was saved by no one.

"Wow this is pitiful." said McGonagall as she looked upon the bloody bruised students.

"Detention for all of you this weekend."

"This is all your fault Potter!"said Malfoy.

"Nah ahh you attacked me!"said Harry.

"Well you kissed my Ronsley Wonsley hes miiiiineeeee I tell you!!!"

"Uhhhmmm okay than yah freak!"

"Yah freak!" said Hermione as she stared in adore at Harry.

"Why am I a freak?"

"Because I said so Draco so there......"

"Well fine then if I'm a freak then your ahhh ........ahhh........"

Draco smiles crazily as he remembers a story he heard two teachers speaking of.

"Well your a bed-wetter."

"He is not tell him darling that your not.............."Hermione looked at Harry expecting a vehement denial instead she saw a very embarrassed Harry.

"Ewww that's so gross I kissed a bed-wetter."Said Ron.

"It was only once and it's all because of !"

"Who!?"Said Draco.

"The Giant Purple People Eater who lived in my closet last semester."

They all looked at him very seriously for a couple of seconds then burst out laughing.

"Wow Harry that was so far fetched its not even funny now seriously why?"

"I'm serious that's why!!!"

"Ok jeez no need to scream Senor Pissy Pants."said Ron.

"AHHHHHH DAMMIT!!!"Screamed Harry as he ran down the hall away from the laughing group.

"What do we do now?"asked Ron.

"Dunno."said Hermione.

"Oh I know."said Draco very evilly.

"We need 3 staple guns,3 rolls of tape,hand full of paper for all of us and three markers."said Malfoy.

As Ron and Hermione ran off to get these Draco sat down and plotted out his vengeance on Harry Potter.

**_A/N:Sorry Harry fans hope youll forgive me for this. And Review or else no chappy :D_**


	6. Hexxed Papers

**Sorry I took so long with this chapter I was stuck on what there revenge would be until a few days ago :D**

**Sorry its so short I really am having a bit of writers block at the moment so bare with me ppls k.**

_After Ron and Hermione returned with the stuff Draco cast a spell on the papers so they would scream out whatever he wrote on them after he wrote on them and they began to post them allover the school._

In the middle of potions class someone started to scream it took Harry awhile to realize it was coming from the hall corridor and not the classroom so he went to see what it was as did everyone else.

And to Harrys great horror it was hexxed papers that screamed out "Harry Potter Is A Bed-wetter And We Shall All Call Him Senor Pissy Pants For The Giant Purple People Eater Told Us So!!!!!"

Harry took one look around him and saw everyone laughing at him and ran screaming from the dungeons.

"It was only once just one time and it was a people eater I saw it!!!!"

**A/N:has Draco gone to far..................how does harry deal............and WHO has an untimely death???**


	7. In Which Potter Get's Revenge

**A/N: Well sorry it took so long I was kind of stuck in no writing mode so here it is hope you like it.**

"_You'll never get away with it they'll catch you!" He looked on in horror as she swung the sword at his head, even though he saw it coming he couldn't avoid the blade but Hermione being the dumbass she is missed his head and hit him in the shoulder instead. "Son of Hufflepuff!" Harry laughed to himself as he watched Hermione attack Draco with the sword his plan had worked out just as planned._

_Previous Day:_

Harry was sitting on his bed sobbing when Hermione walked in and hugged him. Harry sniffled and looked up at Hermione. "Ho….How did you get in here no girl's can't get in here the stairs turn into a slide?" Hermione smiled. "I used a transfiguration spell of sorts." Harry smiled yet again."Why are you here Hermione?" "To apologize to you."Harry looked at her curiously. "For what?" Hermione began to fidget. "Well Ron and I….. well we err…we umm…. We helped Draco post the flyer about you!" Harry stood up a slapped her. "Owwww….well I suppose I deserved that." Harry hauled back and punched her. "You bitch….you stalker mud blood bitch!" Hermione froze. "I shall kill you Potter but you won't here me coming all you'll here is my war cry!" "What war cry???" "The war cry of the screaming manatees!!!" Harry began to laugh he laughed so hard he fell of f the bed. Hermione pulled out her wand and cursed him. "Patrificus Totallus!" Harry was frozen in place.

After much debate Hermione finally decided to dress Harry in drag and hang him out a window so everyone could see him. First she ran to her room and pulled out her make-up kit and nail polish, and then she used accio to summon a little mini skirt and a tube top. "You shall look quite pretty Harry." Hermione painted Harry's nail's hot pink pulled his hair into pigtails then she stripped him down and pulled the skirt and top on. Once she had successfully dressed Harry up she tied a rope around his waist and levitated him to the exact window and lowered him out then left.

Draco was the first to see it and he didn't believe it but then he realized it was real, Harry Potter was dressed in drag and hanging out a window. That's when the idea hit him, he could go and cut the rope and Potter would fall to his death no one would ever know it was him. Well except for Hermione, he was after all going to make her help so she could then love him unconditionally. Draco ran to the library to where he was sure Hermione would be.

"Hermione we are going to kill Potter together!" Hermione looked at Malfoy in horror. "What…..nooo!!!" Draco stopped and stared at her. "Why not Hermione we don't need him it's just me and you luv." Draco kissed Hermione and hugged her tightly. "But I love Harry!" Draco frowned. "Fine I won't kill him." Draco ran off to find the window with Harry and pull him up. When Draco was through pulling Harry up he told him of Hermione. "I hope your happy Potter Hermione love's you and not me I was going to kill you with her but she said no so you can live but only to keep her happy." Draco turned to leave then stopped. "By the way Potter nice skirt." Harry vowed then to get revenge so he jumped out the window and made it look like Draco did it, then he went and told Hermione then Hermione grabbed a sword and confronted Draco in the Boy's Bathroom.

"You'll never get away with it they'll catch you!" He looked on in horror as she swung the sword at his head, even though he saw it coming he couldn't avoid the blade but Hermione being the dumbass she is missed his head and hit him in the shoulder instead. "Son of Hufflepuff!" Harry laughed to himself as he watched Hermione attack Draco with the sword his plan had worked out just as he'd wanted_."_Why are you doing this to me!?"Hermione laughed and then swung at Draco again barely missing. Harry began to laugh out loud which made Draco look over at him. "You….you did this didn't you Potter!!!" Harry stopped laughing and smirked at Draco. "Yes and it was quite easy I might add Hermione is a total dumbass and you well you just made it too easy, plus you stole my Ronny Poo away from my bed and that whole hexxed paper thing that didn't lessen my anger any." Draco took the sword from a stunned Hermione and lunged at Harry with it but before he could stab Harry Hermione threw herself in front of him taking the blade into her chest. "Aww bloody hell now you've stabbed the dumb witch nice one Draco!" Draco began to cry. "Hermione my love I'm so sorry." Hermione ignored Draco and looked at Harry. "I did for you Harry even if you are gay and love Ron." Then with those words she died. Draco cried. "Noooo my love!!!" Harry shrugged and walked out. "She wasn't important any way's."

**A/N/:Leave Reveiws Please. :)**


	8. The Final Revenge

**A/N: This is it the final chapter I hope you like it please leave a review.  
**

An enraged Draco dropped Hermione's lifeless body and attacked Harry. "You bastard! You son of a witch! I'm going to kill you!!!" Harry a little shocked and off guard just fell down with Draco wailing on him, then he snapped back to attention and pulled out his taser, "No means no!" Harry yelled out as he tasered Draco to within an inch of his life. Harry stood up and was dusting himself off when he was tackled to the ground by a screaming Ron. "What have you done to my Draco! We could've been something but that's ruined now that you've killed the idiot!" Harry began to cry. "But I did it for you Ronsy-wonsy!" Ron just laughed at Harry. "Lies and blasphemy! And and look you've killed that damn nerd Hermione too! How the heck am I supposed to pass Potions 101 now!?" Harry just curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing. "I'm sorry Ronny-poo I'm really really sorry!" Ron done with Harrys retardedness pulled out his wand and began to crucio Harry over and over until he pissed himself and passed out then he walked away.

When Draco came to Hermione was still dead but Potter was laying on the floor out cold and he had apparently pissed himself. Draco laughed and spoke out loud to no one in particular. "Stupid idiot can't even taser someone without hurting himself too." Draco dragged himself towards the wall and used it to sit up since his legs weren't working quite yet. While he waited he decided on a proper revenge on Potter for tasering him, after some contemplation he decide on the perfect plan. Without hesitation Draco stood up and used Wingardium Leviosa to float Draco out a window and over to the Quidditch field, Draco snickered to himself as hes hung Harry off a Quidditch post giving Harry the wedgie from hell and sealing his fate. Once done with his task Draco walked away towards the castle unbeknownst to him Harry's underwear all ready in a sad state of disrepair ripped withing in moments of the boy waking up and Harry Potter the boy who Lived died, C.O.D.- Falling to his death off a Quidditch Post.

When the body was discovered there was an investigation, Ron was blamed for the death of Hermione and torture of Harry Potter, Malfoy was blamed for the death and torture of Harry Potter. They were both executed by the Womping Willow at Dawn on the exact day Hogwarts was attacked by Voldemort. The Wizard World fell and soon after so too did the Muggle World. Voldemort was later assassinated by Bellatrix because he cheated on her with Pansy Perkins. Bellatrix was trampled by a Centaur. And the world of Magic is now ruled by Centuars and everything has pretty much gone back to normal.

**Fin.**


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